So carrying on from the last post, I Asked the Universe #1 – “Could you be more obvious?” where I shared the lyrics I’d written and forgotten about for exactly one year, minus 1 hour and 40 mins in a state of pretty strong despair about where D/s fits in my life, who I was, what I was going to do next, after the failure of an attempt of going from an SL D/s relationship to a RL poly situation. That song lyric was called “Resolution” and is not yet a song.
Random fact: March 4, in my 24th year, was the day I moved into my own apartment (apartment 4, on 4th street, with four more 4’s in my new phone number) for the first time, no roommates. It was the same day that only 166 miles away, Zeke was being born. Twenty-four years later, living 3000 miles away. give or take, and joined Second Life where I met him in the 4th month of last year, and has become an amazing and major contributor to my life story and the current blessings of my life. He’s also inspiring a lot of songs! Oh Universe…you’re so much fun sometimes. Did I mention his favorite number happens to be 4?
More random facts: It was a really crappy apartment but very safe and it was MINE. I’d have been happy with a closet I could lock at the time. It was while living in that apartment that I first ventured out to perform my music live, that saw me learn to cook, through the ending of a 4 year relationship with someone that did not support my music, 3 bands, 8 years of folk festivals, 3 cats (found homes for two, one died), 8 potential career paths (house cleaning, original refrigerator magnets and dollhouse miniature food, daycare aide, leotard inspector, water-based die mixer, head of shipping and receiving in two companies, custom bass guitar carver, musician), one surgery, and finally met my first husband, K, that talked me into moving to the south where we divorced and I married Quai. That’s just while in that appartment.
As to the question, “Have I changed?” The jury may still be out, but apparently the Universe would like me to take a closer look. I know that since Zeke entered my life, change has come much much more rapidly! OK…yes..yes I have. I HAVE changed, you crazy ole Universe! And you know it! But yes, yes…I’ll think about it harder.
Here’s the lyrics to the song “No Better” that I wrote a year after “Resolution.”
1. We can’t fight each other’s battles
we can’t wage each other’s war
we can’t claim a part in victory
if we aren’t there for the fall
We can try to work together
we can try to take a stand
if we take it toward each other
we will surely end up damned
2. I agree we must be stronger
I agree I didn’t trust
and I’ll say it if I’m wrong
Sometimes I’m still removing rust
and if not for all of these …good intentions
we’d be turning back to dust
CHORUS I:
I’m amazed that we are poetry
I’m stunned that we exist
I’m ablaze with erotic imagry
I’m debased with erotic twist
I’m clouded in my judgement
I’ve never seen so far before
I’m aghast my past is loosening
I’m lounging on the floor
I’m struggling in my stupor
I’m endorphined to the bone
I’m not lost when I am with you
I’m no better found alone
3. We can try and find the limits
We can push until we fall
It’s ok to fall together
if we’re tearing down the walls
There’s a lesson in here somewhere
there’s a gift to be unwrapped
I’ve submitted to correction
I was wrong in my attack
4. I agree there is a reason
and I see I didn’t trust
among the roots that I’ve been digging
I’ve uncovered faith in us
and if not for all of these …good intentions
we’d be turning back to dust
CHORUS II:
I’m amazed how well you know me
I’m stunned how well we sync
I’m ablaze with the heat of everything
I’m focused on only this
I’m giving up my judgement
I’ve left regretting at the door
I’m eager for more exploring
where I haven’t thought to go before
I’m soaring in the space you take me
I’m endorphined to the bone
I’m not lost when I’m without you
I’m no better found undone
RenascentWoman 